Trivial Whinges of a Pig

I want to write things that I don't think I should.

2008-11-14T02:03:06Z

This evening I have been made manic by...
(a couple huge messages from Naveen which made me smile and cry)

AND... this event which I have applied for a ticket to.

This event seems to be causing more than a little bit of controversy given
the protests against Stonewall's recent nomination for Julie Bindel as
journalist of the year at their awards ceremony. It also comes at a time
when there seems to be some argument over the role of various Trans
organisations, who they represent, and how.

So I suspect the following event will be one that is going to be quite fiery.

The Manchester Metropolitan University School of law
The Manchester Institute for Social and Spatial Transformations

A Feminist Perspective on the Transsexual Debate

Friday 5th December 2pm-5pm, The School of Law, Manchester Metropolitan
University, M16 6HB – just off Oxford Rd.

Julie Bindel, Guardian Journalist, nominee for the Stonewall Journalist of
the Year 2008, author of “Women Overcoming Violence and Abuse”, and “The
Map of My Life: The Story of Emma Humphreys”

Dr. Susan Stryker, Women’s Studies, the University of Illinois, Visiting
Professor, Harvard University, Author of “The Trans Studies Reader”, and
“Transgender History”

Chair: Prof. Stephen Whittle, MMU School of Law, author of “Respect and
Equality: Transsexual and Transgender Rights” and “The Trans Studies
Reader”.

Public Attendance Cost: £12 or £5 on benefits (evidence of benefits must
be produce at door).

Free for MMU Staff and Students, ticketless entrance: your staff or
student card must be shown at the door.

People who are not MMU staff or students must apply for tickets. Without a
ticket you will be refused entrance to this event.

To apply for tickets:

Email: send Full details , indicating the number of tickets, to David
Hulme, d.hulme@mmu.ac.uk. Please send a separate cheque for the correct
amount by postal mail to Dave at the address below. Admittance will not be
allowed without payment.

Postal Mail: send Full details , indicating the number & type of tickets,
with a cheque for payment to: David Hulme, The School of Law Office
Sandra Burslem Building, Manchester Metropolitan University
Lower Ormond St, Manchester M15 6HB.

For details of the venue look for Building no.19 on the map at:
http://www.mmu.ac.uk/travel/maps/mmu_maps_...ytoun.pdf"

Meh.

2008-11-11T20:55:38Z

Bands I love turn into bands I'm annoyed with and frustrated by, nothing lives up to what I want from it - bands, people, books, education, work...

Just been looking round Myspace for some gigs to look forward to, and have found out that Fear Of Music have split and Hell Is For Heroes are splitting in a week. It just disappoints me when bands give up when they get dropped. It wasn't about money or fame when you started, it was about a hobby, a passion, and somehow that got lost along the way. Pretty soon there's gonna be nothing left of what was the music scene from my youth, and I don't know whether to join them in their apparent apathy, or be angry with them. Bands are like people to me, and generally matter more than the vast majority of people.

Loads of fun music this week actually!

2008-11-09T15:26:56Z

So other than Rancid on Monday, I went to LGYM on Tuesday night as I didn't have work and it's always nice to have casual chilled out vaguely useful conversations. Wednesday I went out for a firework display with Monki in Fallowfield followed by good steak and chips in a pub and then ice cream from some Turkish ice cream place in Rusholme, it was really good! Thursday was the Flogging Molly gig, they and their supports were good, though Skindred weren't best suited to the rest of the lineup (but I don't know who else I'd put on a bill with Skindred...). Friday was The Fractions supporting Rancid in Sheffield, which was an early gig so I got back to Manc in time to get a ticket for Dan Le Sac Vs Scroobius Pip off a tout for a tenner, stayed for an hour and then went home. That was a good night! Slept in late yesterday and then went to see the Justice DVD screening at Mint Lounge then their set at Warehouse Project cos I was Xtastering for them. That was really good, but I only stayed for the first 45mins cos I was really tired and wanted my bed rather than another 45mins of being squished.

Today I might go play football in a friendly for Manchester Jays against Man Met Uni, if I can be bothered because it's raining and do I really fancy a 25 mile round trip just for a game of footy in which knowing my luck I might get hurt in? I have just over an hour to decide really.

Work is going well, though Bury have messed me around and changed their Tuesday evening opening to a Monday, when I'm already working for Bolton, and I can't change my Bolton days so I will have to work at a different centre in Bury on Tuesdays or have an evening trimmed off my contract.

Moving forwards from Bindel and Stonewall to...what?

2008-11-08T17:06:43Z

Crossposted - and because I've been writing this journal since 2001 and I have much the same sentiments still.

This seems to be going round a few people's heads at the moment, where do we go next? Is there an agreement that there can be an ideological space created that is inclusive of all factions including (above and beyond):

Genderqueer
Transsexual
Lesbian
Feminist
Humanist

Because surely all these groups are actually about increasing the respect for and rights of all human beings.

Personally, I don't see the need for myself having a binary gender, or even a gender at all - but I realise that by observing others who clearly do and define as a gender, that there might be a place for that in an inclusive diverse ideology that also includes me. Some feminist and transsexual factions are just as binary as patriarchal society as a whole, speaking about men and women doing womens and mens things, when really people are people first.

People wanting gay marriage and gay adoption rights (amongst other things) should first be calling for a real thorough questioning of why we label people men and women, and so gay and straight. Think about how a couple could be in a seemingly 'straight marriage' but might have the same genitalia - and how a couple in a seemingly 'gay civil partnership' might not have the same genitalia - trans people, binary and not, are already fucking with your world, undoing it from the inside. Sure it may be due to medical defects or psychological issues which are then corrected to the best abilities of the medical world, but surely not having MALE and FEMALE (and therefore 'straight' and 'gay') stamped on everybody from birth, and leaving everyone to choose their own bodies and roles as far as is medically possible, would be better for all.

the election

2008-11-05T16:17:51Z

As one of few people on here able to vote in this election (by way of my mum being American and me having dual citizenship) I am also really pleased he's got in.

However, my mum sent round a 'wahey!' email to all her contact list, didn't BCC it, and one of her supposed friends emailed all my mums contact list back saying she doesn't share her joy because Obama celebrates killing because of his abortion ideas, and she's a Catholic.

Ugh, I have no time whatsoever for people who base their bigoted and outdated views on the back of religions that they follow blindly. Fuck religion, if he'd have lost I'd have been really fucking furious with bitches like you.

whine

2008-11-05T02:50:38Z

I mean all's OK, nothing is going wrong in my life, I'm just vaguely annoyed that I can't magic things right for other people. I have no idea what I'm going to want in a year, shitloads of possibilities fly through my head every week, and I have no idea what to go hunting for in the future, and where. I do literally live each day as it comes, and I'm happiest that way, because I'm not making some elaborate plan in my head only to be disappointed with the reality of it. However, I am currently quite excitable and have a bit more enthusiasm for life after the past week or so.

Finally got started doing the job that is detailed on my job description for Bury, rather than doing courses and office work and other shit. It was really good, and over 70 kids turned up over 3 days of activities. Despite the weather, and compared to what it could have been, the events were a huge success. Of course there are things to tweak for next time, but all in all I am very happy with how that went. I then had a really nice 4 days in London, awkward and sad at times for reasons I won't go into much detail about on here, but overall just really enjoyable. It's a bit of a downer that Naveen's gone, and that CCK has closed, but it's not the end of the world and both will reappear at a later date. So really it's all fine. Naveen gave me a book called Hallucinating Foucault and I read it in less than 48 hours, it was that good, and so much of it was relevant to the topics and themes we'd been talking about, I just thought it was an inspired choice and just what I needed.

Saw Rancid last night, they were really good fun and I'm glad I'm seeing them again on Friday in Sheffield - still looking for someone to go with though - I have a ticket to give to someone in exchange for a couple pints, so poke me if you're interested. Am also seeing Flogging Molly and more importantly Street Dogs on Thursday in Manchester, I can get 2 people in for that one in exchange for beer, so again, poke me if interested.

Now I think bed is in order, unfortunately with no El to snuggle for the next 2 weeks as we both have things in different cities this weekend, and hopefully next weekend we'll be able to sort something out, cos going 3 weeks without snuggles would not be fun.

I am manic

2008-10-29T03:55:50Z

Conversations are wonderful tonight! I am manic I am manic I am manic fucking watch me! Raaaar!

Grrr GYUK is dead and not letting me read or post, and it was as interesting as it has been in ages! I'm really loving this, this is what I'm about, this is why I love the people who agree with me on this issue because they get it, they get this thing that's at the very core of me. And those who don't will always fall by the wayside, they have to, they give me no option. I can't be having partners or close friends who don't meet that standard, which I now see as basic. This mood makes me crave Miss Black America, in particular Drowning By Numbers, Talk Hard, Human Punk and Miss Black America. Kinesis too. They're my fuel, I don't change, I don't grow up, I don't let the world dilute my passion and anger, and I keep looking for hungry people full of the spark of their inner child.

El asked me to do this

2008-10-28T22:47:01Z

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Pig
2. JP
3. Claire

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Hair
2. good skin
3. toned arms

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my sodding troublesome knees
2. hips
3. toes

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. English
2. American
3. German/Irish

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. knowing that I choose to be in control
2. cornering on my motorbike in icy weather
3. selling out and forgetting my roots and inner child

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. music
2. mobile phone
3. comfy trainers

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. grey stripy hoodie
2. black waterproof ski trousers
3. black air jordan basketball shoes

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. King Adora
2. Kinesis
3. Miss Black America

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS AT THE MOMENT:
1. Rancid - 7 years
2. The Fractions - Sirens
3. Floors And Walls - Sick Sad Truth

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. an awesome friend
2. time together
3. strength of character

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I like coffee
2. I will do most things for money/shits and giggles
3. I am honest even when it hurts other people

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT PEOPLE THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. dress sense that is quirky and memorable
2. warm heartfelt smiles
3. nice arse

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
1. Playing football
2. Watching live music
3. Having my mind stimulated by books or conversation

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. wee (sorry, brb)
2. kiss some specific people
3. get warm (just got in from work)

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. pretentious academic
2. youth worker
3. hired hitman

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. anywhere that isn't freezing cold
2. anywhere that has a decent exchange rate
3. anywhere people I love will be

THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Sasha
2. Alex
3. Morgan

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. eat really nice food
2. write a will
3. take other people down first

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY LIKE A GIRL:
1. I like bags, hats and shoes
2. I squeal when there's a loud noise like a balloon popping
3. I think emo boys are fit

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY LIKE A BOY:
1. I like mud and mess
2. I don't care what I look like
3. I'm confident and rude

THREE PEOPLE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
Nic, Rathen, Ruth

OK so this is weird...

2008-10-28T01:39:42Z

I'm gonna run through my phone and give the world a summary of the last 6 weeks of a pig, in the next half hour or so before bed.

Bands review:

Lancashire Hotpots in Bury - good gig, recommended for amusement's sake, randomly met my Bolton work boss Damian there cos he liked them too apparently!

David Ford in Union Chapel, London - really realy good and passionate and cute and with tealights everywhere and Duke Special supporting...it was immense.

Brontosaurus Chorus and other bands at the festival at Kings, London - El's band BC were fun as always, I enjoy watching El perform, makes me feel warm and fuzzy and inspired. Other bands there were really good too, though erm...whats their name...mclusky spin-off Future Of The Left were a let-down.

From First To Last and The Blackout in Manchester - really good, especially considering that eBay was my friend and I got a ticket on the day for a quid.

Officer Kicks, Reemer and To The Bones were seen in Manchester as part of In The City. All not bad, but I wouldn't pay to see any of them again, not that I had to pay this time anyway as it was In The City. I didn't find anything new to stalk, sulk. To The Bones I only went to see as The Fly raved about them, they're managed by a guy who used to be in Kinesis, and on their Myspace they cite Kinesis as an influence. However, they have some really good riffs that are ruined by their singer. One band who played but I didn't see that time but would recommend from previously is Red Light Company.

The Casting Out in Underworld, London - excellent, recommended, they make me smile and I should really buy their CDs but I'm really happy with their live set.

Goldblade in Manchester - The Rabble were awesome for my first time seeing them, in comparison, Goldblade were lacking something. I left before they finished to go to the Warehouse Project for Dizzee Rascal headline night, but I was really hungover and tired and didn't stay for Dizzee, just saw Riot Jazz and Riz MC who were both mint.

Floors And Walls in Cross Kings, London - really really awesome gig. Will have to see them live again, will be suggesting them to Bomb Ibiza people for starters. I even bought their album, probably only my 3rd new abum purchase of 2008.

The Fractions at Ska Bar 4th Birthday - fun and I'm glad they're saupporting Rancid too, will be fun again. Nicely filling a hole in my music taste between emo and ska, replacing The Holiday Plan and adding some horns and playing stuff at twice their speed.

Other notable information:

Watched Man City vs Chelsea live at Sport City. City lost, but it was an enjoyable game.

Dislocated my knee again playing in Pride Games football tournament in Manchester. Put it back myself, had 5mins out of the game and joined back in, confidence shattered but thankfully ligaments intact. Waiting to hear about when I get 7 holes drilled in each knee and lots of things grated and tweaked and such. Vaguely looking forward to time off work after being cut up which I will mostly spend with El.

Naveen is in the UK for a visit and I really embarrassed myself before seeing her cos I was a bit drunk and emotional (erm after The Casting Out gig) and randomly started crying about missing her and how much she means to me and El saw and El's housemate Ro saw and...yeah, I just felt like a bit of a prick for being seen when I was all snotty and upset, especially as it must have been weird for El seeing me cry over someone else. I have however had a really nice few days with Naveen, she's a really important person to me and I kinda know that she will be for like...well, a long time to come. It also meant a lot that Naveen and El get on, and that the rest of the GI/GYUK/QY crew and Faye/Matt all seemed to get on well with Naveen. I feel bad about my own comedown from queertopia, but I really cannot imagine what it's like for her. I'm glad we all could give her that though, I'm really proud of you all for just being...yourselves.

Jobs are OK, they're just jobs really, adults are shit and good times with good kids are mint. Money is useful, but I enjoy it when kids are treated with respect, and when they impress me.

QYN

2008-09-11T17:03:13Z

I am really proud of everyone who took part in the 'Pride Is A Protest' section of Manchester Pride, and those who stood up to stewards and festival organisers. I've avoided going on QYN since Manc Pride, until yesterday, and noticed some videos have been made of what went on. I am really very grateful that I had a reason (Reading festival) for not being there. I have been given fiery passion by watching the videos and reading blogs and news reports and I will always always align myself with events/communities like that.

Tour of goodness

2008-09-03T14:42:01Z

I'm street teaming for Xtaster at the X-ray Spex gig.

And there's also Flogging Molly, Skindred, Street Dogs, Rancid, Less Than Jake and The Casting Out coming up soon!

I am really happy and manic, not just content, today

2008-09-02T23:05:12Z

I feel a bit sorry for everyone else who is going through tough times, and a bit guilty that I'm enjoying my good times, but in all honesty I'm just really manic and optimistic. Life could throw me a whole host of curve balls right now and I just wouldn't care because my life is awesome. My happy feet are really happy. Of course there are still little things that annoy me (well, rather large things like the fact that kids at youth work and their parents too one assumes are thick as pigshit and will never evolve and will always be racist sexist queerphobic wankers, and it's a shame but there's so many of them everywhere...meh) and Council jobs are full of disorganisation and asskissing generally. but I have enough freedom to do what I feel is good and useful and I like that. I like getting my little targets done, I get a gold star a couple times a day (theoretically, though I haven't ruled out the possibility of using those gold stars I bought a couple years ago when Yasmin mocked me by saying 'ooh gold star for you!' in reality) and I like feeling like I have valid input into projects where real things are done.

Reading Festival

2008-08-28T23:28:45Z

So you might ask how I managed to get into Reading festival at the last minute. Luke's little brother wimped out after camping just Thursday night, ripped his wristband off and went home. Luke phoned me to say they had a broken wristband and so I could easily get into the campsite and probably get into the main arena with it. So I went down on the train, on the off chance of a fun weekend. I got into the campsite fine, tried to swap it for a new wristband at the wristband exchange, but the guy in charge there asked me loads of questions and then wouldn't let me have a new wristband. But then his mate said 'why do you want another wristband when you've already got one on?' and I noticed that my LAST YEAR'S GUESTLIST was in fact very similar to this year's normal camping wristband. So I mooched off back to the campsite, and managed to get into the arena to see bands Friday, Saturday and Sunday because security didn't check me well enough. Heh! So...I saw...

Friday

Stephen Lynch full set
a bit of the rather wank Serj Tankian
Goldfinger
Pennywise where I got squished but lived!
a bit of Rage Against The Machine
Dan Le Sac Vs Scroobius Pip full set
and the last 3 tunes by Less Than Jake
And then drank til gone 3am and got stoned as fuck

Saturday

King Blues full set
most of Los Campesinos who were fun
most of Black Kids who were also fun, but maybe not fun enough to buy their album (it was my next vaguely pencilled-in album to buy)
Flogging Molly
Justice who did 2 different mixes of We Are Your Friends, and DANCE was cool too
Alkaline Trio despite the tent being rammed
chunks of The Killers here and there
and I saw most of the Manic Street Preachers set but ended up walking home knackered
And I was so tired I slept for 10 hours in a tent through the pissing rain/morning sun!

Sunday

Alexisonfire full set
Adam Green most of set
Lightspeed Champion full set
Dropkick Murphys end of set
Mindless Self Indulgence full set
Feeder full set
and I walked back to camp and then to bus stop with Pendulum playing

Overall a fun weekend! Which was then finished off by a trip to El's, a very loud very crowded visit to the Notting Hill Carnival, and then home for mmmmm bed!

This weekend's plans are simply - camp camping with GYUK board people.

Whee! Happy animal.

2008-08-14T22:18:39Z

It's really weird in a way that I've become loads more chilled out about literally everything this past year or two, everything generally seems to be going well and I'm content and enjoying life. I haven't finished my youth work portfolio because one of my assessors didn't do his bit right so it got sent back to me and he's not making any effort to see me and do his bit so there's no point in me doing any of it. I'll hang onto my file so that I can hopefully finish it at some point in the future, but if nobody else is bothered whether I finish it or not then neither am I! I should really investigate local colleges this year and see what I can get myself trained in for free or very cheap this academic year, in exchange for NUS privileges. That's trivial though.
Money is also trivial because I'm making enough to do what I want to do, within reason, and I'm enjoying making it as opposed to finding it a chore to fill my hours in. I'm generally healthy, haven't been drinking as much as I generally would because my time has been filled with interesting fun things. Hayfever hasn't been bad at all this summer either, though that might have been to do with lots of rain. I've also been going to the gym and eating reasonable amounts of reasonable foods, and I've finally been told I'm on the waiting list for knee surgery - this time next year with any luck I'll have 7 healed up holes in each knee and won't have any further issues with them. The idea of having 2 lots of 3+ weeks off work, bike and life on crutches (but on sick pay too) isn't a problem.
I'm vaguely pondering Leeds/Reading if I can get something cheap last minute off ebay, because I don't particularly fancy being around for Manchester Pride - think I'm all Prided out for this year, not generally being a fan of them in the first place because I have no shame anywhere at any time of year.
I'm also vaguely surprised that I'm still really happy to be with El, and I can't wait for El's resits and house move to be over and done with because that time of year is a bit stressy/dull.
Every now and then I think back and am really grateful that I went to Loughborough for Uni. I learned some valuable lessons about myself, people and life as a whole, and while it wasn't particularly fun at the time, I'm glad that everything that happened happened. So what if I still occasionally miss music scenes, sports teams and people as they were, I'm happier now.

Some fun weekends!

2008-08-12T22:20:50Z

Last weekend I went out in London to Club Demolition at Astoria 2, which I would recommend to any metal/punk/ska fans, for Luke's birthday. The rest of the weekend was spent in Brighton at Rowan's for Brighton Pride, which was also enjoyable for the most part. Then I worked for a few days, saw Benji at Phoebe and Pixie's place and then it was Rebellion (ex-Wasted) festival in Blackpool! Loads of enjoyable people, bands, beers and meals. Did Xtastering for Goldblade and Luke and Nick paid me back with beer and food, yays! Fingers crossed I can blag some more decent stuff soon, like Aiden and Less Than Jake, whose new album does't suck as much as the one before it did. Now I'm tired and just waiting for a text saying El got home ok, and then I'll be off to bed because I've got to work quite a bit for the rest of this week.

Amsterdam isn't happening...

2008-07-24T02:00:21Z

So that frees up some money for the time being. The next couple weeks read like:

day work
evening work
weekend clubbing and gig in Manc with Laura
day work
evening work
weekend in London with Luke and in Brighton for Pride with El and others.

some threads/people on GYUK are annoying me

2008-07-12T13:38:28Z

and QYA is really slow and disorganised atm. Amsterdam has not been booked and I still haven't sorted out my passport though I have filled in forms and have photos. However, on the positive side, I have been pretty useful this week and got another job doing youth work for Bury Council and have also got an interview to do Gym Instructing for Bury Council on the 30th of this month.

I smell quite bad but am going to the gym shortly before going to Monki's to go out and sleep over because I'm reffing in Urmston tomorrow morning.

A ramble about this weekend's Pride London etc

2008-07-07T22:04:56Z

OK so it was the first Pride I'd been to since 2004... 2005 in Manchester I *saw* bits of but didn't attend because I wanted to kill people. I anticipated this one being the best yet as I had my partner, friends, banners and belief that this was the right thing to do. Also, I needed to convince myself that this is what it's supposed to be about. It was awesome overall, meeting up with friends and randoms and having a generally good time in good weather. I enjoy the company of and believe in all those people who I walked with, not often that I'm inspired by the youth of today but here was a great example. Youtube, Photobucket, Flickr and other sites have evidence of what went on. I am proud to have been there, and we need to bring some of that confidence to our everyday lives, because that's where it really matters, you know? Pride isn't just a set weekend in a set city, it should be about every day in the environments that we live in. And yeah, fuck it, I'm putting pressure on people who only have a spine during Prides. I've got to live up to that myself.

TCC on Friday was good too, though it was generally just a social to me. Maybe I'm becoming some sort of scene queen for the anti-scene? Hehe. But yeah, new people and constructive talk was a good way to spend an afternoon. I stop getting frustrated with hoping for a really fast revolution, and take the actual good parts from it - some noobs showed up and some professionals showed up and that was productive and beneficial to both.

The only negative thing I've heard so far about Pride is that someone, no link required really because it's all over the internet, happened when a transwoman was refused entry to a womens toilet at Pride. The matter is being looked into by Pride, Police and other organisations and I am impressed with the amount of coverage this seemingly isolated incident is gathering.

random crap, why not!

2008-06-20T02:05:31Z

I'm a bit annoyed this evening as I was planning to go to Rotherham tomorrow on my motorbike to watch the play that El's in and take part in the workshops, but the stand on my bike snapped when I got in from work tonight and Dad can't fix it in time for tomorrow 8am so I'm not going. That frees up my day, because I don't have to be at work at Bury for a specific time, and I plan on going to the gym as well as watching someone who I took a course with last week in her job and give her feedback at 4pm. Tomorrow and the weekend should be pretty chilled in comparison to the past couple weeks of juggling jobs. On the whole though, I'm happier with where life seems to be going at the moment. I'm really content with my partner El too, we don't have secrets and it's still refreshing to feel so relaxed about connecting with someone. I really believe in this and it's made a world of difference to how calm I am, getting what I think is the right amount of support and encouragement. I think we look after each other quite well and get a variety of experiences together. I mean, I'm not living in perpetual fear of letting someone down, being dumped, them slashing themselves or having eating disorders, and I find myself thinking 'I'm proud of you' a hell of a lot more than I'm thinking '*rolleyes*' - success!
It's two years since Scidentity and graduation, and I feel much happier in myself. Yeah I can still be a childish immature twat at times when I feel like it, and I hope I always will be, but I'm so much more comfy in dealing with reality. I feel more knowledgeable because of the people I've met in the past couple years, and I realise that many of the people who I had a lot of respect for when I was a teenager really are nothing special. That's kinda disheartening in a way, but I'm finding better people now and realise I was a fool to look up to some of the people I did. My anger has become more witty and tongue-in-cheek with a wink, and me-as-a-14-year-old would be really pleased at the way I've turned out. That'll do Pig, that'll do.

So I haven't written in a while, but hey.

2008-06-18T12:03:38Z

What's new? Um...probably not much, and most people stalk me on Facebook these days I guess so they know what I'm upto and where I've been etc. My weekdays are generally spent in Bury/Bolton working (have finally started for Bury doing Community Playwork last week), and weekends are generally spent in London mooching around with El.

I actually just came onto LJ to post my 'personal statement' that I've just written for my NVQ youth work college file. Quite enjoyed writing it.

Personal Statement

I am 23 years old and have lived in Bury all my life, apart from when I went to University in Loughborough to study Sociology with social psychology. I did A levels in French and Psychology, and AS levels in Chemistry, Physics and Sociology at Holy Cross College in Bury. This demonstrates that I have had an interest in understanding relations between people for a number of years, and enjoy academic learning and challenges. Through playing sports socially, I got involved in coaching children and playwork at the age of about 16, and these are areas that still interest me. I’ve always enjoyed being able to pass on my own knowledge and learning to others because helping people to gain confidence and progress their skills is positive for their development as well as being rewarding for me. The skills that I think I bring include the ability to communicate with a variety of people in a variety of ways, a desire to listen to people, energy, passion and enthusiasm for a wide variety of activities and topics, as well as the beliefs that everyone has valuable opinions and talents and can improve.
When I started as a youth worker 18 months ago I didn’t really know what to expect from the settings or how I was expected to behave and feel. I knew that I wanted to be a positive role model and that through my own experience I had learned valuable life skills that I wanted to pass on in order to help others. In my opinion I don’t have enough life experience as an adult to be much use to anyone who isn’t younger than myself, and I personally value young people’s thoughts and opinions because these people are our future and I want the opportunity to develop their abilities and confidence while they are still at a good age to take on new knowledge and change behaviour patterns for life. In addition, I recognised some of the social issues involving young people such as alcohol, drugs, sex and relationships, self-esteem and bullying, and felt that I had valuable knowledge and experience around these subject areas that other people might be able to benefit from. My motivation for wanting other people to benefit from my experience was mainly because I have learned from my own and other people’s mistakes, and would myself have liked more comfortable opportunities to talk to adults informally. I have now got knowledge about job-specific behaviours, mainly from learning while working and getting tips from colleagues. This experience has seen me gain confidence in interacting with young people who often display behaviour that is difficult to control, knowing what is expected of me and how to be a better youth worker.
Looking back on my motivation, I may have been a bit misguided about what youth work should actually involve. Of course in doing my job I will be affected by my own values and experiences, but I have learned that youth work is more about helping to facilitate the positive development of young people in ways that they choose, not necessarily involving everything that I think is key, and sometimes involving things that I took for granted or hadn’t considered. I am doing this NVQ 2 in youth work because it was a requirement of my job, and while I would have liked to do something more intellectually challenging, free qualifications are always good for my CV. I’m currently doing youth work and community play work, as well as casual jobs in football coaching and residential childcare, and have also recently done a level 2 certificate in fitness and gym instructing and hope to progress in that field additionally. I feel that working with children and young people in non-school settings is still the right path for me, but I don’t know what career progression I want as it seems that the higher one progresses up the career pyramid the more one becomes an administrator and manager and the less you have contact with real grass-roots people in their everyday lives. That is what I personally value most, find enjoyable and rewarding, and I would like for people higher up the career pyramid who make policies and other things that influence communities to be more in touch with grass roots people and their issues, so that I can be more sure that what I report back and what grass roots people report back will actually be listened to and acted upon positively. I recognise that I am angry and frustrated with ‘the system’ because I have seen people be let down by it, and I am motivated by my desire to be a good useful ‘cog’ in the ‘machine’. I intend at some point in my life to go back to higher education and continue my academic development, but I haven’t yet found a specific research topic area that I feel I would dedicate myself to. Additionally, I would like to gain more experience working with preferably young people in as many settings as possible to broaden my horizons and find more potential paths for career development that I might not currently be aware of, even though I don’t really see it as ‘my career’ as such, because I have realised I value horizontal progression (getting my fingers in more pies) more than vertical progression (moving upwards in the same field) in terms of my own development.

I suppose my last entry was a bit stupid...

2008-04-01T13:26:21Z

It's not as if I can stay away from queers, because most of my friends are queer. That's not a problem, it's only a problem when queerness is the main thing being spoken about. Having said that, I've been asked to be on some panel thing to speak about goods and services legislation and trans people at NUS National Conference tomorrow, it's the 'whole' NUS conference, not just the LGBT one. Anyway. Time for a picture entry methinks!

I have a bed! I've had it for a month or so, and it's a nice bed. Got it from my mum's friend who was divorcing.
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=645717&l=a0768&id=502795845

A number of people seem to think El is really hot in this pic
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=637525&l=37ffe&id=502795845

Cute quaint old street in Chester where I was working last week for SUSO.
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=748677&l=bf2e7&id=502795845

It snowed, view from my bedroom.
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=748679&l=0ad91&id=502795845

And no, I'm not that cheap. (vaguely lewd photo NSFW)
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=748682&l=f173e&id=502795845

I'm all queered-out for the time being.

2008-03-30T00:03:45Z

I'm gonna have a nice break for a few days hopefully, away from queer stuff and queer people. At home and on my own, because I've been all peopled-out the past week. It's been good, and I'm feeling more mature and like a valued and constructive human, but at the same time I feel like I've overdone the thinking, planning and activism this week and I need a change from feeling angrily passionately bubbling under my skin and being constantly surrounded by people who provoke that.

So, El was up Monday-Wednesday which was nice cos we hadn't seen each other for a couple weeks and we socialised with Phoebe/Amy/Dennis on Monday and then went to Satan's Hollow on Tuesday with Laura and Matthew which was cool. Wednesday I headed off to do a residential with Bolton kids in the Lake District, expecting to be back Thursday evening, but then the kids decided to be arseholes and not make their drinking and weed-smoking discreet so we had to drive them back Wednesday at 11.30pm and I finally got to bed at 2.30am. Went to London on Thursday to mooch around and be filmed with MK by Twis, Friday all day was the LGBT Consortium AGM and Conference with five other QYA people, which I guess went as well as one could expect (no comment) followed by more filming and pizza... and then today was the 'Volunqueers' conference/discussion group in Birmingham, which was useful and good fun.

A post on GYUK has just reminded me of something I'd forgotten, and sometimes I'm really grateful for having a shit memory. I'm glad I've grown up since then, and it only clicked now what someone was doing by warning me off someone years ago. I hope also that someone is happy and sorted and no longer frequenting that board.

So, time for some random bitching!

2008-03-23T15:00:53Z

Still haven't started work for Bury Council, and they offered me the job more than 3 months ago. Still waiting for CRB check. Not amused, as I'd hoped to get my first paycheck in April so that I can go see Ben in NI (and talk at Xaria's group thing) and take El to Disneyland at the beginning of June and have paid for a passport by now.

I'm finally done with SUSO drinks promo stuff, I've done my 30 shops in 35 days and have one last report and batch of photos to send them, and should get paid for the vast majority of it in a week.

Yesterday I refereed at Manchester Cup international junior football tournament. We had to meet there at 9am even though the first games didn't kick off until 11am, and I refereed 12-4.15 with nothing more than a 15min break at 3.15. They promised us free food and drink, but the lumpy hot chocolate, bacon muffins and barely defrosted chips were crap. I was supposed to be there again today, but it snowed about 3 inches overnight and so I called the organiser at 7.40am to say I wouldn't be there as it wasn't worth me travelling a 30 mile round trip on a motorbike through snow, only to find out that the tournament might be cancelled. They owe me £50 for yesterday, and I *might* have been prepared to trek in today if the tournament had been amazingly well organised...but they blew it.

Knees are doing OK, I'm able to run and climb stairs, but I'm not quick enough to play football at the standard I want to and think I should be able to, so I'm going to the gym shortly then off to football training. I've recently made friends with a couple people who I met a couple weeks ago in Taurus, and am glad that I have more cool odd randomers to chat to, who I think are decent human beings.

Notorious P.I.G. Strikes Again!

2008-02-15T13:59:39Z

http://lgbt.wikidot.com/pig-30-second-interview

Transcription of me being interviewed by Josh Bradley from Bradford University, as part of their LGBT History Month goings-on.

So...things are always gonna come crashing back down...

2008-02-15T00:25:23Z

Like me, to the floor, in Rockworld, having dislocated my GOOD KNEE. I've had no trouble with this knee since I was about 15. Oh well, at least I'm walking without crutches. Gig and club were really fun though, I felt like I had the enthusiasm of a small child. I like that feeling, reminds me that I have the power to do whatever I like with my self. Cos I am my self, I'm not some victim-passive-recipient thing. Life on the whole however is pretty awesome. I'm doing a day-long conference in Birmingham for my Bury job, they've paid for me to go on it and are booking my train tickets for me. I like them already! I enjoy working with the Trafford kids because I connect much better with them as people, and enjoy catching up with them and chatting to them. A little attention goes a long way. But not for the Bolton kids cos they're ungrateful bastards a lot of the time, but that's partly due to youth services being really poorly run. Anyway, my new job for this week (and the next 5) is promoting some new 100% fruit juice soft drink. If you want free samples, get in touch.

www.suso.co.uk

Have been reading Jamison Green this week and agreeing with and being inspired by a lot of the things he says. I feel a bit odd saying this here but he's got more of El's social viewpoint than mine, to the point where El could have actually written large chunks of it. This angers me a bit, but not in the way one might expect, but I don't want to face being a leader. I want to be taken seriously as my own invention, not going along with what other people feel more comfortable with.